Today my divorce was granted. It's a mixed day; I've wavered from being very happy that the whole process is finally over to crying over 22 years done in the bang of a gavel. Yes, I started this process and I'm glad it's over but it's still sad that no matter what I tried to do to fix things, this was something I just couldn't fix.
I'm happiest that I have custody of all three children - I'm glad they all decided in the end to move in with me. This house, while little, is working out quite well. The kids have adjusted their schedules ever so slightly. My daughter is in an after school program so she's busy two days per week at school; my sons did not have to change their bus routes so they're happy. The dog is even thrilled with his new back yard where he can run loose and bark his little fool head off. This is what I've wanted for the last I don't know how many years - why does it seem so damned lonesome? It's not for lack of company - because there are certainly enough people in this house at any given time for me to chat with...I guess it's because for all these years, in bad and good, there was someone there just for me - even though he wasn't there for me much these past eight years or so. He's locked in his own world right now and that's fine with me. There wasn't room in it for me anyhow.
So tonight I open a new book - my life as a single mother. Strange to see it written out. I've also received my first piece of mail addressed as "Ms" and not "Mrs." It looks funny but I'll get used to it.
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